Saturday

First off I just want to say that yesterday's post was written at the absolute height of insanity. I woke up in the best of moods yesterday morning, tended to Ethan's every need with a smile and my heart truly ached every time he rubbed his nose or coughed. Late in the day happy Sara turned to mildly annoyed Sara when I was trying to cook Ethan some mac 'n' cheese and he would not let me put him down. Each time I attempted to set him on the floor in front of the t.v. or a favorite toy he would scream and cry and look up at me with tears streaming down his face like please just hold me, that's all I want, I feel so horrible mama! I could never ignore that. I had to hold him. Mildly annoyed turned to moderately stressed when the noodles began sticking to the bottom of the pan and I struggled to stir them because I was holding E and he kept trying to grab at everything, and then the smoke detector went off and I had to put him down for a second to fix it, and that was the end of the world to him. From that point forward he was a snotty red-faced butterball of uncut misery. So of course he wasn't happy with his food, he threw everything onto the floor except for a few pieces of corn and the arrowroot cookies I had bribed him with, and that's when I wrote the post. I was just spread thin, worn out, tired. Exhuasted. Today the dog shat on the rug twice, we had the most horrible 2-hour shopping experience at Wal-Mart EVER, and the blender broke. In case you were wondering.

If there's a point to all this it's that after I posted yesterday and cleaned up Ethan's food, face, hands and highchair, I held him close to my chest, turned off the damn t.v. and went and sat on the couch with him near the Christmas tree. He finally stopped fussing, turned to look at the bright Christmas lights and decorations and started talking to me about it. "Tree, tree" I told him. "Teee" he half-replied. I asked him if I could have a kiss, and for the first time ever he leaned forward open-mouthed and planted a wet one right on my face. We cuddled and relaxed and sat in the light of the tree for a few minutes, and it was wonderful. Just like (*) that all my stress melted away, and I was reminded of how awesome it is to be a mother, how very lucky I am.

Yesterday's Grub

Hi-protein hi-fiber french toast with sugar free syrup
coffee with Splenda

more coffee with Splenda
choco-pb-nana-protein shake, my last until we get a new blender :(

egg salad (3 whites, 1 whole egg) made with basil pesto on whole wheat flatbread with onion and lettuce
green tea

mini MetRx protein bar (was out of fruit, waaaa)
diet coke

lean pocket ultra
3 whole medium carrots (is it weird that I don't peel my carrots, I just give them a good scrub? I am a wascaly wabbit...) (an un-funny wascaly wabbit)
green tea

1 oz. mixed nuts

Total cals: 1,500

Workout: 30 minutes step aerobics