I'm moving. Visit me here. Because of course!
A brilliant collection of my innermost thoughts, ideas and feelings layered with dry humor and a sarcastic bottom line.
I'm moving. Visit me here. Because of course!
Parenting is hard. Waaaaaaaaaaaaa, I know. It's wonderful and great and fun and life-changing, but it's also hard and tiring and heart-breaking. You know, since I have exactly 1 child, I'm total authority on the subject, right? This morning Ethan started crying at like 6 a.m. We brought him in bed with us (mistake) and I finally got up with him at around 6:45. I really would've liked to stay in bed for another 30 minutes or so. That would've been very, very nice. He had a nightmare diaper, complete with earth-tone colored poo (silty clay?) and highly offensive stank. He felt a little warm to me and his cheeks were flushed, so I gave him a dose of children's Motrin. He fussed over what to eat for breakfast. He wanted a waffle, then a quesadilla, then cereal, then a cereal bar, then peanut butter on graham crackers, then NO waffle, NO quesadilla, NO CEREAL NOPEANUTBUTTERNOGRAHAMCRACKERSGETTHEMOFFMYHIGHCHAIRNOW! So I decided to make him some whole-wheat pancakes, to which he happily agreed. I groggily mixed the batter, substituting cinnamon applesauce for the oil, and added it to the skillet in sleepy blobs. While they were cooking I wondered, why don't I cook breakfast more often? Why don't I cook more in general? I always wanted to be the kind of mom to prepare home-cooked meals every night. And I am clearly NOT that mom. I slid 2 pancakes onto Ethan's Winnie the Pooh plate, spread a little Smart Balance spread on them and poured on the syrup. I carefully cut each pancake into little squares, retrieved a kid fork from the drawer and stumbled over to his highchair. "Um, no pancake... I wanna waffle! Or quesadilla!" he exclaimed. THIS. This is exactly why I don't go to great lengths to prepare meals anymore. I brushed the pancakes into the trash with a sigh.
Spirophita tagged me a few weeks back to do the "5 Things Most People Don't Know About Me" thing. I love getting tagged! It's like being picked to be on someone's dodge ball team in middle school (thanks Spiro!).
You never stop learning from Sesame Street. Over the weekend Drew and I were watching an episode with Ethan, and the letter of the day was A. They ran through the usual: apple, ant, armadillo, and alcoholics anonymous. Next, they showed an acorn. "A is for ACORN!" said the voice in the background. Drew turned to me, stunned. "Acorn? It's acorn?" he questioned. "Um, yeah.... what the hell are you talking about?" I asked. "All this time I thought it was EGG-corn. You know, cuz it's sort of shaped like an egg..." he confessed. Our thirst for knowledge will simply never be quenched.
Jesus Christ. Ethan has had this HORRIBLE obsession with taking his diaper off during nap and night time the last two days. We've had 2 poo situations and 2 pee situations, so far an even score, each significantly more disgusting than the last. We were up at 2:30 a.m. this morning stripping the urine-soaked sheets from his mattress and re-diapering his naked ass, and then we were lucky enough to enter his room this morning at 7 a.m. to find the same mess, only this time involving poo. Between that and trying to potty train the new pup, my entire weekend has pretty much involved nothing but bodily excretions, NONE OF WHICH WERE FROM MY OWN BODY.
Editor's Note: I have been summoned to play in a Guitar Hero III tournament for about an hour now, and my husband is threatening to slit my throat if I do NOT COME HERE THIS INSTANT. Damn my silly blog, can't I do this tomorrow? So I must compete for the title, ya'll. Please excuse any grammatical errors and/or typos. Thank ya kindly!
We're in Texas and I'm doing tequila shots with my sister. (10:39 p.m. and the current count is 6 a piece). Drew is upstairs playing beer pong with 2 of my sister's boyfriends. Question: Is it salt, tequila, lime or tequila, salt, lime? We've been doing salt, tequila, lime and I think I like that much better than tequila, salt, lime.
1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Herion. Actually, I decided to brave the dark and uncertain and unknown. I went back to work full-time after being a stay-at-home-mama for over a year in a scary and unfamiliar city. I lost a lot of weight, then gained it back. Go me!
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make new year's resolutions anymore. Sorry, Charlie.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My friends Lindsay and Sean recently welcomed their second baby boy, and my old friend Rosie gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
4. Did anyone close to you die? Unfortunately, my husband's grandpa passed away very recently. I know people always say "Ah, he/she is in a better place now", but I truly believe that he is in a much better place now, finally at peace.
5. What countries did you visit? Sadly, none. I stayed in the good ol' U-S of A. Although I did travel to Boca Raton, Florida on business. That's practically another country, right?
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Sanity. A more defined and satisfactory sense of self. Less pressure. More fun. Less worry. Much more adventure. More patience with Ethan.
7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The day my mother and her fiance got married. Naturally I can't remember the exact date. It was a really great night. Also, February 15, the day I went back to work full-time and sent my little guy off to daycare. Talk about transition! Lastly, the day we lost our chihuahua, Bogart. He ran away from my mom's house in Texas when we were there for a visit in October. I hope he finally got laid.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Deciding that I need more in life. Admitting that I am not ever going to be happy if I settle. This applies to so many things...
9. What was your biggest failure? Putting so much pressure on myself. Always expecting perfection. Ceasing to find the beauty in the imperfect. Not always having the necessary patience that life (and parenting especially) calls for.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Ethan went through a repeat bout of pinkeye. He must have had it six times in six months. We also went through two rounds of the 24-hour flu. Not fun, not fun at all. But great for weight loss!
11. What was the best thing you bought? My husband's truck. FINALLY, we have a truck. Now maybe D will SHUT UP.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Every one's, in some way or another. Drew pursued a new, more satisfying job despite the odds and strikes against him. I learned to accept myself the way I am now, in the present moment. Ethan is just plain awesome. He does something that calls for celebration (almost) every day.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Mine. My husband's. Ethan's. I think most of it was normal, though. And it was normal for me to be depressed and appalled. (What's normal, anyway?) Oh, and that BRITNEY SPEARS. Christ.
14. Where did most of your money go? Bills and daycare. 2008 is going to be our year. We'll get a ton of stuff paid off... we'll finally make it to that light at the end of the tunnel!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Anytime we visited my family in Texas. Finding a really great job. Breaking out of dieting insanity. Holidays and birthdays with E.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? a)happier! b)the same! c)richer!
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I wish I would have had more fun. I wish I would have done more non-body/non-diet related things. I want to be more crafty, like my friends Meghan and Megan.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Dieting. Worrying. Stressing. Obsessing. Losing my temper.
20. How did you spend Christmas? Lost in a sea of wrapping paper! In Louisiana with my in-laws. E developed a double ear infection and high fever. Merry Christmas!
21. Did you fall in love in 2007? I'm easy. I fall in love constantly.
22. What was your favorite TV program? Six Feet Under. My brilliant and beautiful and bestest friend Megan lent me the dvds for Seasons 1 and 2. Also, Dexter, Weeds and The Office.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No! I don't HATE anyone, really.
24. What was the best book you read? Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. Currently I'm reading his sequel, Dry. So far it is kicking complete and total ass as well.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? I haven't found any spectacular new bands, but I haven't really been looking. I've been alternating between Muse and every Smashing Pumpkins album ever created.
26. What did you want and get? I wanted for Ethan to be well adjusted and happy. He is, he is! I also wanted to be a size 8 and a size 8 I was! Was. Meaning am not anymore.
27. What did you want and not get? I wanted to wake up one morning and have my dream job and a million dollars and perkier boobs. Sadly this never happened, no matter how much mescaline I took.
28. What was your favorite film of this year? I really liked Knocked Up and Super Bad, but I saw Juno last night and decided that it just might be one of the greatest films EVA. Certainly my favorite of the year.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I'm pretty sure my mother-in-law cooked a big dinner for me and got a cake, and I'm sure a few presents were involved, but I didn't do anything wild or crazy or spectacular. I turned 27.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having my friends and family close by, same story as last year.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Simple work wear (black pants, heels or wedge sandals, plain sweaters and button-ups) or jeans, t-shirts and flip flops or Nikes. In a word: BORING (but comfortable).
32. What kept you sane? Wine. My sisters. My mom. Exercise. Wine. Wine. Wine.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Let's see... Dexter. (Michael C. Hall) Mmm, hmmm.
34. What political issue stirred you the most? Not any one specific issue (isn't WAR a given?), but just the sense that things aren't getting any better. It sucks wondering about your child's future and being afraid of the things you can't control.
35. Who did you miss? My family and friends in Texas.
36. Who was the best new person you met? The people at my current job. There are 5 other people in my office and they are all brilliant, funny and amazing.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. Ah, I really am my own worst critic. Also, I don't hate kids after all.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. From Fleetwood Mac's Landslide:
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life
Well, I've been afraid of changing
cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
I can't believe it's almost 2008. I'll be 28. That makes me slightly queasy.
This morning we got all dolled up to go see Santa Clause at my in-laws' church. We waited for an hour (AN HOUR) in line for Ethan to scream and cry in response to being placed on some white bearded stranger's lap. For older kids visiting Santa is exciting, magical even. For an almost 2-year old it seems to be traumatizing. In desperation I sat on the arm of Santa's chair with Ethan so we could get a half-way decent picture. Santa wrapped his arm low around my waist for the shot and it felt weird. I don't blame Ethan for throwing a fit.