Thursday

Ethan worked up a hefty diaper this morning right around the time I was cooking an eggwhite omelet and peanut butter toast. I made the unfortunate but necessary decision to change him before I ate, and as I peeled back the tabs from his soiled Pampers I realized I had made a mistake. The stench singed my eyelashes and peeled the blue paint right off Ethan's bedroom walls. How can something so revolting, something so outrageous, a smell so unpleasant that I simply cannot find a way to convey it's odor, come from such a cute and perfect and soft little bum? How? Drew literally gags and makes the most exaggerated 'I just ate a lemon' face I have ever seen when he changes a diaper like that (which is quite rare, I'd like to point out). I'm assigning him diaper duty on his day off less and less lately because the man just can't handle it. If I pawn Ethan's stinky ass off on D and wander off to tend to something else, 10 out of 10 times I hear "Babe, BABE! HELP! He stuck his hand in it! Oh, man! Ethan! Ethan, stop! Awwwww......" Naturally I feel as though I've perfected the art of diaper changing, and time and time again I show D how it's done:

Pull out eighteen wipes and BRACE YOURSELF.
Undo diaper.
Use the inside front portion to wipe away as much offensive matter as possible.
Set diaper OUT OF BABY'S REACH.
Use entire wipe on messy area.
Fold wipe in half and wipe again.
Fold wipe in half again and repeat.
Wedge soiled wipe in dirty diaper.
Repeat with as many wipes as necessary until baby is fresh and clean.
And then, obviously, smack a fresh diaper on that baby's ass unless you're feeling particularly daring that day.

Maybe I should make an illustrated, step-by-step instructional poster to hang above E's changing table? At this point it's just easier for me to do the diaper changing. Hey, maybe Drew is just acting like he doesn't know what he's doing so he won't have to do it anymore? (gasp! I've cracked the case!!!) He keeps asking when do we start potty training him? I always tell him at around 2.5-3 years old, whenever Ethan seems ready. This BLOWS DREW'S MIND. He simply cannot fathom wiping feces from another human's ass for that long. I won't tell him that soon Ethan's poo will come nicely packed in log (uh, adult) form. Frankly that creeps me out a little, too.

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Is it weird to clean the bathroom naked while you Nair your bikini line? Because when you only have a small block of baby-free time and you want to keep the bathroom sparkling and the bush wacked, what's a girl to do? It's multi-tasking at it's finest if you ask me.

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I've been doing lots of reading about calories and fitness and weight loss and muscle gain, particularly this, this, this and this. (wheew!) I've decided that I either need to bump up the calories a bit or start zig zagging things. The worst thing I can think of is achieving my weight loss goal but then only being able to putter along at a mere 1,400 calories a day because my metabolism adjusted. If my calculations are correct, I can eat over 2,200 calories a day on workout days and maintain my current weight. And since I'm still nursing*, that number creeps even higher. If you're interested in weight loss and calories, it's quite useful to calculate your basal metabolic rate and total daily energy expenditure every once in awhile. It really helps to put things into perspective and gives you more insight to tweak things for optimal results. On the other hand, if numbers drive you loco, don't bother.

Today starts week 6 of total ass kicking and I'm feeling great. I've been working out on and off since 6th grade (I am so not kidding, I did a Jane Fonda workout tape every day the summer before 6th grade to lose my baby fat, and I read this book cover to cover more than once. NO WONDER I ended up with an eating disorder! Sadly, it started young.) ANYWAY! I've never really pushed myself like I am now. And it feels awesome. I'm really seeing how when you push your body to it's limits and beyond, eventually you adapt. That means getting stronger, being able to do more, lift more, go faster, go longer. I love it. I also notice being in better shape during non-workout activities, like getting up from the floor after playing with Ethan, or bending over to pick him up, or going up a flight of stairs. I feel gooooooood. I've almost (ALMOST) inspired Drew to start working out, too. He's creaky and stiff and has got a little more padding than he'd like, and he is thiiiiiiiiiiis close to biting the bullet and JUST DOING IT. My fingers are crossed. That would be awesome. We're like night and day when it comes to food and exercise, and it would be so much fun to work out and cook together. Baby steps. One thing at a time. I recently got him to stop frying everything that's not nailed down, so that is progress.

As for food, I'm going to start zig zagging to keep things revved up and the engine purring. That means a couple of higher cal days, some really low days and a few medium days, with a free meal thrown in the mix for good measure. I think this Saturday D and I are going to try to go out for dinner. The Saturday after that we have a Christmas party to attend. Y'all here that? They're letting me out of my cage 3 weekends in a row! Raaaaaawr!

Yesterday's Food

1/3 c. (dry measure) oats with 1 c. lo-fat cottage cheese, cinnamon and Splenda
coffee with Splenda

more coffee with Splenda
banana
1 scoop whey protein in water

apple
3 egg whites and 1 whole egg mixed with 1 T. lite mayo and mustard and onion on a bed-o-lettuce
diet mountain dew

orange
2 lite string cheese
Kashi flaxseed granola bar
green tea

1 oz. mixed nuts

1 serving of that beef pasta stuff
steamed broccoli and cauliflower
green tea

Total cals: 1,745

Workout: active rest day, took E for a walk and cleaned

*Ethan is doing surprisingly well with weaning! We now nurse once in the early morning and again before bed, and Sunday I'm going to drop the evening feeding. I'm probably 2 weeks away from having my boobs back to myself after being a walking milk bar for over 11 months. This calls for a lingerie shopping spree, if you ask me.