Saturday

Currently our living room floor has the following scattered about it: 7 books, 1 coloring book, a drumstick (not the kind you eat, heh), a hat, a football, one toddler sock, oh... two toddler socks, 2 frosted animal crackers (5 second rule my ass), 1 puzzle piece, 1 dirty chihuahua, a bunny head that springs up and makes noises when you push a button, an aquadoodle (have you SEEN these? Way cool.), one sippy cup containing half juice, half water. For those of you who decided to read my blog in hopes of finding out just how messy my living room is, there you go. On the t.v.: DUMBO. E has little interest in it but man, I sure am enjoying it! I can't believe I remember it so well. I sing along to all the songs and E looks up at me like damn mama, you're amazing. You know every song ever written! When he starts bringing math homework home he will realize just how very un-brilliant I am. Until then, I'm a freakin' genius. I'll take it.

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I spotted some Da Vinci sugar free syrup at Wal-Mart this morning, Vanilla flavor. I also picked up some Splenda Blends packets in French Vanilla, and dude! BEST COFFEE EVER! A splash of the syrup + a packet of the splenda blends + black coffee = my head exploding. Very tasty. I'm sure there are some fab cocktails I can whip up using the syrup. (Does anyone even say COCKTAIL anymore? I think we should start saying it more often. Also, DOUCHE. I've pointed this out before, but I'll say it again: If someone is actin' a fool, call them a douche. It feels great.) ANYWAY!

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I hate to drone on and on about diet all the time, so let's take a turn and talk about the un-diet. My very good friend (uh, whom I've never met, is that creepy?) Sara L. started her un-diet a year ago this month. I've done this half-way before, but my heart was never really in it and I'd always end up overeating and then, OF COURSE, I'd plan a super-strict diet starting the next day, which would eventually cause me to overeat again, diet again, rinse and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat until your head really DOES explode and you realize that you're not getting anywhere, you're not enjoying life, you don't want to crunch numbers anymore or count out 17 almonds or measure a T. of mustard before you spread it on your sandwich, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? I have decided to whole-heartedly really and truly go on an un-diet. A non-diet. Whatever you want to call it, the rules are pretty simple: eat only what you truly want, not what you feel you SHOULD... eat only when you're hungry, or if you're eating when you're not really hungry at the very least acknowledge that you're not hungry and pay special attention to how the food makes you feel... and finally, NO BINGING. This is something I have struggled with ALL MY LIFE. It's awful. It's a horrible thing to struggle with, and I'm ready to make a complete lifestyle change to stop it. I know that tossing out my calorie journal and stowing away my measuring cups was a huge step in the right direction. It's been since Monday that I've been doing this. Not very long at all. In the past when I've done this, I usually started on a Monday. The weekend would bring plenty of overeating opportunities, I'd stuff myself, then panic and begin a lettuce and cottage cheese diet on Monday. It's the weekend, and I feel no urge to overeat. We have a pizza planned for tonight, one with whole-wheat crust that I picked up at the store this morning. I'll probably have a glass of wine. We might make pancakes in the morning. I had the most delicious tuna and spinach salad for lunch today. I'm feeling really good about it this time. I think the problem with un-dieting in the past has been that I really wasn't eating what I wanted to eat.

I told my mom last night that it's about time I started eating like a normal person, and she pointed out that most "normal" people don't even have a grip on their eating habits. She's right. How many people do you know that are on a diet? How many people do you know that get really excited about their food, eat well and indulge without guilt, exercise for health and love every minute of it? I'm tired of being on a "diet". I'm tired of "cutting". I'm tired of only allowing myself 1,550 calories a day and then losing my mind and consuming 10,000 calories a few days later. I'm tired of feeling weak when I work out. I LOVE how much more weight I can lift when I'm actually fueling my body properly and eating enough. Anyway, gawd I'm tired of talking about it. I'm just gonna fucking do it. I'll conclude with what Sara wrote, that pretty much sums it up:

If I focus on health, fitness, fun and living passionately then my body
will respond by becoming fit and lean. The focus needs to be on lifestyle. Form
follows function.