Doggy Style...

Last night our neighbor, Rick, came over with his 3 month old baby chiuhauha puppy, Monkey. Picture the most fragile and precious little doe imaginable (think Bambi), only add a longer tail and decrease the body size to around 2 pounds. Cute is not the word... he is... is... EDIBLE. I started flipping through my dog cookbook, thoughtfully lingering at the pages with recipes for doggie stew and chihuahua suprise. He is THAT damn adorable. Monkey has energy to SPARE. I nicknamed him "amphetamine" because he always acts like he just blew a huge rail of uncut cocaine, and his nose is still burning from it.

Then there's Bogart. Our 2-year old chihuahua. He is 6 pounds, a light sandy color with white "highlights", MUCH cuter than the infamous Taco Bell dog and a notorious ankle biter. He likes to play, and he likes to play rough. He also is incapable of eating at his food bowl. Instead, he takes a few pieces of the SMALLEST DOG FOOD EVER MADE and transports them to the living room rug, where he drops them in a pile and strategically eats them one by one, crunching and chewing with glee. Sometimes I'm convinced he has OCD.

Enter Lloyd, our other neighbor's dog. Lloyd is a 4 year old weiner dog... a dachshund. He is long, stalky and PIGEON-TOED with a silky black coat and tan accents. He reminds me of a cartoon. Lloyd has a binge eating disorder. I once dropped a single chip on the kitchen floor. I immediately bent down to retrieve the fallen vessel, when OUT OF NOWHERE comes Lloyd. He rushes past me and devours the chip in record time. All I saw was a black blur, all I heard was a "chomp, crunch, gulp". Every time Lloyd comes over to play, we must put Bogart's food bowl out of sight. Lloyd immeditaly goes to it everytime he comes over and will eat until he DIES. His owner has instructed us to never, ever give him treats. She says he will eat until he passes out... really. He just likes to eat THAT MUCH. And he begs... he gets up ON HIS HIND LEGS to sit like a human and just stares at you while you eat, hopeful that a single crum will fall within his reach.

So last night, Lloyd, Bogart and Monkey were all playing together. It was doggy threesome galore! Lloyd on all fours, sniffing Monkey's monkey, Monkey humping Lloyd's face in sheer delight, and Bogart smelling Lloyd's ass from behind.

That's what I call a goooood time.