Note to Self:

DO NOT buy trail mix. Do not buy multiple "portion controlled" tubes of it to keep in your desk drawer. Do not buy a canister of anything nutty thinking 'Oh, this will be good to have on hand in case I get hungry....' because, know what? You WILL get hungry and you WILL eat it all. Somehow, pregnancy has taken away a good portion of your self control.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,
The Management here at Sara Central

Misfit Ears...

Um.... why won't the little foam ear phones for MP3 players and such fit into my ears? Why is it that if I do manage to cram them in they fall out the minute I breathe? Is there something wrong with my ears? Do I have freakishly small ear holes? WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?! Because what it comes down to is cramming them into my freaking skull and then not breathing, or buying those hideously huge DJ ear phones and looking like I'm stuck in the 80's at the gym. Why can't I enjoy the sleek stylish look of those tiny foam speakers? WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?! It makes me hurt inside. It's just not fair.

So yeah... last night? We watched Patch Adams on t.v. Good Mother... I bawled so hard I made myself sick. I lay on my side nuzzled into fiance's nook, silently weeping into the comforter, finally reaching a point of no return and excusing myself to the restroom as though I had to pee but when I got there I sat with my face buried in a wad of tissue, sulking into the soft fluffy Charmin. (Or did we get Quilted Northern this time?!)
And that home makeover show? Fuggetaboutit. I'm a snotty weepy mess.

On a brighter and much related note, I am just about into my 2nd trimester. How exciting! This is the so-called "honeymoon" trimester, and I am already feeling more energetic, boobs less sore, skin a tad better, moods improving slightly (fiance may beg to differ, but whatever)... and I'm finding the cutest of cute maternity clothes. Which is soooo important. Did you know that Paris Blues makes freaking maternity jeans!?! I KNOW, right??? VERY exciting. Like highlight of my day exciting. So I got a few pairs with elastic in the back where you can't even tell they are maternity. CUTE! Got some jeans and some jean capris. Also? Been buying maternity tops that are too big for my tummy but I can't wait to wear em cuz I am longing for my big round beach ball belly to pop out this instant! Am showing a little but not enough to warrant huge flowing fronts on shirts... but showing enough to not be able to fasten my old jeans and still breathe. Grow, baby..... grow!!!! (I believe I will regret saying this later, no?).

What's in a Name?

Ok... we've decided on names. First names. Middles are still in progress, though I've secretly chosen them and my fiance just doesn't know he's going to agree to them yet. Muahahahaha! Evil mommy laugh!

Boy: Ethan Jude OR Ethan Phillip
Girl: Savannah Avagail or Savannah Aubrey

Yup, that's what we are going to name our little pea-in-pod. I figure the first names are "normal" enough to not dork-ify our kid from the start, and the middle names are just "cool" and "creative" enough (Phillip aside, it's a family name) for people to say "Wow, groovy middle names!" without thinking 'good luck with that, kid'. I think they are also safe enough that our child can go by his/her middle name if they wanna. Yup.

Know what I've realized? People are frickin NUTS with the names.
Some people I know who don't even HAVE kids and aren't even anywhere NEAR pregnant have "claimed" names! If I bring up the baby name thing, asking for suggestions and ideas? Some have actually said "Well, I've always liked the name Butternut but it's mine so don't use it". I don't wanna use Butternut, but... I like the option to be OPEN no matter what.

So now? If you're thinking of having kids or are expecting? I've already claimed my names. It's like a gang or something. 'Wha choo claimin?'

Grant Me The Strength...

Please think of me today. Give me strength to get through this day. Friday. It's the only thing that has me hanging on. By definition, Friday means "day of hope" or "hang-on-you-can-do-it-just-one-more-day". It also means "last day of hell until next week". I like Friday.

So, I need some thoughts and prayers. And strength. Strength to TUNE OUT my boss as he brags about his new pool. And I don't mean brag like "Hey I'm getting a new pool", I mean brag as in 'look around to see everyone's reaction and get a woody he's so proud of himself' bragging. I could literally hurl at the site of it.

Also? Give me strength so that I CAN stand the site of him. This man is about 5'7", wears these way-too-big shoes and tapered pants (occasionally loafers, which... gag me!), and has what is well known as LITTLE MAN SYNDROME. He has the worst case I've ever seen. EVER. In the whole wide world. And there's NOTHING WORSE than him when he comes up to my desk and just stands there, staring at me. I NEVER make eye contact with this man. I *might* burn holes in him if I do. He's told me I'm overbearing and bitchy like his wife. I wonder if she knows that he looks at disgusting porn all day long online. Many times I catch him. He always has something else pulled up to "toggle" to if I walk in. But sometimes I catch him and he'll show me like it's some big joke. "Har, har" he'll laugh. Truly disgusting. Another employee has walked in on him jacking off. Apparently he thought he was alone as it was almost closing time. I hope he felt more shame than he has ever felt in his dirty little life.

He once asked me if I'd ever had sex for money. Um.... NO!?! What the fuck kind of question was this? "No, but I'd sure love to start big daddy!" I'm thinking this was the desired response from me. Pardon me while I PUKE MY BRAINS OUT.

Meanwhile? This man tells me I'm going to hell if I don't "change my ways", and he has expressed SEVERE disappointment and disapproval about me having this baby to people we do business with. Good GAWD I could spit in his face and walk out a happy camper RIGHT NOW.

What's keeping me here? INSURANCE. Gotta have it for the baby. So I'm toughing it out until the beginning of next year.

So please, give me strength. Thank you.