Please say I'm not the only one...

Yesterday my main goal was to go to super Wal-Mart to replace the two front tires on my car. We're traveling back to Texas for a long weekend this week and I guess we're all safe and responsible now that we have a child. Skidding along the highway at 85 mph on bald tires has lost some of it's flare. MAN I'm getting old.

Anyway, this is the third time I've gone to that Wal-Mart for their "EXPRESS TIRE AND LUBE" services since I moved to Louisiana in May. Each time there has been at least a three hour wait. Why I keep going back is still in question. Clearly something is wrong with me. All signs point to you keep going back because you are a dumbshit. Right.

So I pull up under the cute little tent they have outside where the attendant takes your "order" and routinely proceeds to tell you that there is a three hour wait, maybe four. There are eight cars in front of me also in need of new tires. This time I ask him if it's ALWAYS like this, is there ALWAYS a wait? He shakes his head no. Oh, I say, only when I come then? He snickers and I sneer and I park and we go inside.

I head to the front of the store to get a cart. Ethan and I will cruise the aisles of Wal-Mart for three hours. Now, it's to be expected that at some point I will have to pee. I went before we left the house and made it a point to not drink any water in the hour before leaving, but no matter how dehydrated I am I simply cannot go three hours without peeing. This makes for exceptionally fun road trips, I must say. I hold it for as long as I can, until it hurts, but I was wearing a skirt and was thinking that maybe urine dripping down my leg was kind of last year? For fashion's sake, I head to the restroom. Only... no carts allowed in the restroom. And I have this baby, see. In my arms. I need to pee and I have a baby in my arms. Fuckety fuckety fuck.

I see no other solution. If there was an obvious other way please let me know what it was! Put the baby on the floor? Hell to the nooooooooooooooooo. Let some stranger hold him? Not so much. I hold Ethan high on my waist and close to my body. I lift my skirt with my only available hand and fold it up. I carefully pull down zee panties with said hand. All this while holding an 18-pound baby and carefully squatting as to not touch the toilet seat, for the love of God! I look at Ethan and try to distract him. I was peeing! While holding my baby! My attempts to foil him didn't work. His gaze immediately went down to the stream of liquid somehow spraying from my nether regions. He was fascinated. I was mortified.

As quick as I could I finished up and bolted out the door. I wonder if there's a space in his babybook for this?