Finally Lost It...

Let's see, where do I begin? E's beef jerky-raisin looking umbilical cord stump FINALLY fell off last week, so we celebrated by torturing the poor boy with a bath in his baby tub. We stupidly bathed him at a time when he would have much rather been eating, a mistake I WILL NEVER MAKE AGAIN. In the pictures sweetly entitled "Baby's First Bath", the look on Ethan's face makes it seem as though we were submerging him in battery acid. I swear we weren't. Honest!

He is F-I-N-A-L-L-Y sleeping in his crib, though sporadically. But I'll take it! Mama got a shower today AND PUT ON MAKEUP, all while sweet baby boy was sleeping in his crib. He's still asleep in his crib. And what am I doing? Pinching myself to make sure I'm not dreaming and then rushing over to his crib to make sure he's still breathing. Then I pinch myself again, and the sick coo-coo for cocoa puffs cycle continues...

::

I quit my job today. I have been sick over this for quite a while now. Knowing that I would eventually have to let them know that hey, I'm not coming back! Thanks for everything! See ya! was eating away at my soul. Miraculously, my boss was quite pleasant about it. I'm going to turn in my office key this afternoon, so I'll get to show off my precious, precious CRIB SLEEPING baby, my absolute favorite thing to do. He consumes me in a way I never could've imagined, and deep down I love it.

On the surface I'm still a sleep deprived mess of tangles and tears, occasionally crying along with my baby because OH GAWD he's so cute and I love him and why won't he stop crying, and I'll never sleep again and I'm lonely and I miss sex and my nipples are sore and he always wants to eat and oh but look at how cute he is and the new noises he's making everyday break my heart into pieces and one glass of wine gets me drunk and did you see him smile and holy shit I'm a FUCKING MOM!

I've finally lost it. And I'm ok with that.