Proof That Giving Birth Causes Brain Damage

Yesterday I had some errands to run, one of which was swinging by the post office to get a money order. I was in a hurry to make it before the post office closed for lunch at noon, so after Ethan's post-nap snack I promptly put on his shoes (on his feet, not mine) and loaded him into the car. I sat in the driver's seat, buckled up and realized I did not have my keys. Craaaaaaaaap. I searched the front seat, Ethan's carseat, the back seat, the grass, the door... nothing. I frantically called Drew at work.

Me: Hi, heh, I love you!
Drew: What's wrong.
Me: I'm locked out of the house.
Drew, in a huff: What? Gah, ok... try to get in through the kitchen window.
Me: You want me to break in?
Drew: Yeah, whatever, I'm sure you can figure it out!

I snapped my cell phone shut as if to say THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP, OH LOVING HUSBAND, GOODBYE and scanned our yard for Drew's ladder. I hoisted it onto my shoulder and walked it to the outside of the kitchen window. A few months ago when the tornado hit our house it cracked the kitchen window (in addition to tearing off a good portion of our roof!) and we've yet to replace it. I climbed the ladder, pushed through the small crack to break the glass and carefully squeezed my hand through the opening to unlock the window. I slid the window open and that's when a tiny light bulb lit up in my head. I jumped from the ladder and ran back to the car, where naturally I found my keys sitting ON. THE. ROOF.

Let me take a bow as I accept 2007's BIGGEST DOUCHE award. And it's only January.

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Early this morning Ethan and I went grocery shopping. I love early grocery shopping, love love love it. Shopping between 7 and 8 a.m. means that the shelves are being stocked and that the few people roaming the store are either old folks or college kids that haven't gone to bed yet and need more beer. It's awesome. Anyway, I wanted to pay cash for this particular shopping excursion and had exactly $77 dollars on me. At the check out, only 2 items left to scan: a large container of fresh strawberries and a 6-pack of Sugar Free, Fat Free Dulce de Leche pudding cups that caught my eye in the dairy section. (I'm sure they taste awful, but I figure if I'm desperate enough for something sweet during the week I can pair one of these puppies up with a protein shake or some cottage cheese and still get a halfway decent meal out of it.) After scanning both items my total came to $79 something or other, so I told her to take off the pudding. My total was now $77 even. Horray! I paid and left. For some reason the fact that my purchase totaled the EXACT AMOUNT I had to spend made me overly giddy. As I loaded the grocery bags into the trunk of my car, I saw the pudding. She had subtracted the pudding from my total but then stuck it in one of my bags anyway. I considered DOING THE RIGHTEST OF RIGHT things and going back inside to return it, and then I laughed to myself and got in my car and drove away. Isn't there a clause somewhere that says if something like this happens and you have a small child you can get away with NOT doing the right thing? I do believe there is. Hopefully karma will cut me a break and remember that I have a 1-year old.

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Later today we're going to my in-laws to watch football and eat jambalaya, and you can bet yer bottom dollar I'll be drinking wine and eating something with chocolate in it, too. Enjoy your weekend!