Genius

Ethan has suddenly started shaking his head no. NO! Can you believe it? I'm not sure if he knows what in shit's name he's doing or what it means, but it really seems like he does. I'll say "Come here!" and smile and hold out my arms and he'll sit across the room and shake his head. Last night his great grandma said "Clap those hands, boy!" and smiled and clapped and he shook his head no. I suppose he picked this up from me. When he's trying to get into something he shouldn't I'll say "No, no, no. That's (hot-sharp-dangerous-yucky-poisonous-a bobcat-etc.)" and I'll dramatically shake my head. Sometimes he listens and sometimes he doesn't. If he's already telling me no, what's next? Critiquing my clothes? Telling me how to style my hair? "Oh for Christmas sakes, mom. You're not honestly going to wear that to the store are you? Can you walk a few feet in front of me then? And get that hideous scrunchy out of your hair!"

Also? He is almost-totally-for-real-I-swear-to-you talking. Because he equates diaper changing with having bamboo shoots shoved under his fingernails, I've found that giving him a book to read (read meaning chew on) while I tend to his stinky ass makes the experience less painful for everyone involved. I'll say "Here, would you like a book? BOOK?" and he'll look at me and study my mouth and say "Bo--. Bo--." Add the --ok and you've got BOOK, baby. Or, I'll say "Are you ready for your bath? BATH?" and he'll say "Ba? Ba?". You guessed right, add the TH and hello! he is practically ready to read War and Peace.

At the very least I'm sure we could get him on Wheel of Fortune.