Anxious Much?

My anxiety level these days shoots through the fucking roof, into the sky and actually reaches the outer limits of another world entirely. The constant flow of change and worry and things to come balled into one gigantic tangle of INSANITY makes me think that a shot of heroin is a mighty swell idea. Why, you ask?

• The move. To a WHOLE OTHER STATE. And not just any state, but LOUISIANA.
• Ethan. Finally adjusted and happy and fabulous and then I'm going to up and move him.
• Money. I always worry about money.
• Change. I myself do not do well with change in general.
• Moving away from my friends and family. For the first time ever.
• Marriage. Learning to be married again after being away from my husband for 4 months.
• Learning to balance being a mom and being a wife. FUCK.

Ethan and I have settled into a very do-able and enjoyable routine. We're really two peas in a pod. He stops crying when I pick him up and he laughs at me for no reason and smiles at me just because I look his way and holds my boob with both hands as he nurses and loves walking with me and sits outside with me each night after dinner while I drink coffee and... the list goes on and on. He is a joy, a real happy baby all around unless he gets overly tired, hungry or has gas. Hell, who doesn't get cranky when they're starving and in need of a nap and farting all over the place?

Anyway, my point is that it's been just the two of us, and as much as I hate to admit it I'm really nervous about 2 plus 1 making 3. I mean, how will my husband adjust? I've had time to get to know Ethan and learn his cues and what he likes and what he hates, but my husband hardly knows Ethan at all. Obviously he'll just have to learn in the same way that I did, they'll have to get to know each other and do some major catch-up bonding. BUT! How will I adjust? How will I peel myself away from my motherly duties long enough to be a good wife and fulfill a hungry and horny and lonely man's needs as well? HOW?

I know this all seems selfish. I know I'm being a big baby about it all and that D and Ethan will do fine, that we will reconnect as husband and wife and somehow morph into an actual real live family. And it'll be nice and I'll wonder how I was able to do it alone for so long and it'll all be fanstastic. Right? I never once stopped to think that maybe being a mom and a wife would be a challenge. I always thought that they naturally went hand in hand. Not so! Both are hard and require constant maintenance and care and attention and you can't neglect one for the other. This scares me. The pressure is on. I'm scared that I forgot how to be a wife, the fun girl that D fell in love with, and instead I've become just a mom. It's all about Ethan. I need to make sure that I factor D back into the equation. He's done nothing but good things for us.