Take 2...

I have been contemplating starting a whole new blog entirely, simply because I look back and re-read some of my earlier posts and it makes that wrinkle appear between my eyebrows and I want to delete it all, DEAR GAWD, who writes such nonsense? I was obviously trying to sound all witty and deep and 'just give me a cigarette and a cup of coffee and let me rot in my own personal hell'. Blech. So, let's move on.

The thing I'd really like to focus on now is being a parent and the crayon box of emotions that comes with that. Up until now I think I've made it all sound like THE EASIEST JOB EVER, and more than likely that's because you caught me in a good mood. Unless the baby is screaming and howling in your ear and HAS BEEN DOING SO FOR THIRTY MINUTES OR MORE, you tend to forget the bad moments with the next big toothless smile that your kid throws at you. So, while the not-so-skittles n' rainbows memory of last night is still fresh in my head, let's begin.

Ethan is a good baby. He really and truly is. In the first few weeks I was horrified. The other mommy bloggers that I have been reading daily for over a year all wrote something like, "He never ever cries, thank goodness" or "For the most part, he just sits there quietly". THE ENVY. THE JEALOUSY. Why was I cursed with the exorcist child? WHY? But now I know that my kid is pretty normal. Now when I go to read an entry from one of those blogs (their children being 2 months older than my own or more) and they open with "The howling! The screaming!", I kind of smile inside. It just makes me feel better. Of course, it also makes me FEARFUL of the months to come. But you just can't live in fear now can you? I spend enough time worrying that I'm not getting the fold in one of Ethan's many chins clean enough.

Anyway, it is true that being a parent ROCKS. I love it. I love being a mom and watching him grow and change and just EVERYTHING about it. But it's also H-A-R-D. Harder than anything I've ever done. Harder than the hour and a half of pushing I did to get this far. That's saying a lot, I think.

Ethan has settled into a sort of pattern where he'll nap up to 3 times during the day. It is heaven, a welcome change from the early days when he would sleep like, oh, NEVER. His bedtime has also fallen from 12:30 a.m. to a more do-able 10 p.m. (sometimes earlier!). He sleeps through the night except for two feedings, each around 3 to 4 hours apart. This is like winning the lottery people! Just weeks ago he would wake every hour to snack on my boob and chew my nipple like a piece of Wrigley's. I was clocking 4 or 5 hours of broken sleep a night on a good night, and now I get 10 hours broken into two or three long stretches. It's really, really nice.

But, problems still remain, things are still on my mind, changes need to be made. Ethan naps, horray! But he still won't sleep in his crib. He never has. In fact, since coming out of the womb he has spent maybe 3 hours total in his crib asleep. He is 11 weeks old now. Yeah. Ethan sleeps in his swing for naps, and with me at night. I don't mind the co-sleeping at all. When he wakes for a midnight feeding I simply pull up my shirt and stick my boob into his waiting mouth. When he's finished, we both go back to sleep. I like that. My husband, not so much. Since it's just me and the baby for now, it's great. But when D does come to visit he hates not getting me all to himself. And I look into Ethan's future and can clearly see many nights of non-stop howling and struggling and fussing as we finally try to get him to sleep in his darn crib. I know that the longer I wait to enforce it, the harder it will be. Right now I am trying to find the easiest way to transition. By 12 weeks (or next Tuesday, to be exact) I'd like to start OPERATION:SLEEP IN YOUR DAMN CRIB. I'm stocking up on sleep now.

The other problem is that he requires some sort of motion to actually get him to sleep. More often than not he'll become overly tired and will fight sleep to the very end, until he passes out from a battle lost. But it's a very long and tiring war, as much for me as for him. I can only jiggle/rock/walk for so long. That's where the swing came in. Ahhhh, the swing, created by angels straight from heaven. But now I think we've become too dependent on it. I'm not really sure that a baby Ethan's age is capable of getting himself to sleep. They wouldn't make swings and rockers and bouncy chairs if babies didn't need them, if they didn't serve some purpose, right? But when do you say enough is enough? When do you start going to Bouncy Chair-aholics Anonymous and stop the madness? And how bad are the withdrawls?

I guess it varies from baby to baby. And the crying spell that Ethan had last night makes me never ever want to give up the swing, he can take it to college with him if he needs to, let me buy you a bigger bouncy seat oh 25 year old son-o-mine! But something's got to give. One thing at a time, I figure. One day at a time.



For now I've decided to keep him, because he's so flippin' cute.