Drunken Fool

Did anyone else stuff their gaping maw with Super Bowl grub yesterday very much like you stuff a turkey on Thanksgiving Day? No? Oh. Well, I sure did. Spinach dip with melba toast, spicy queso and tortilla chips, greasy sausage (eaten like a vulture tearing apart fresh road kill, naturally), king cake, pumpkin spice cake with cream cheese frosting, pieces of E's peanut butter and jelly sandwich, etc.etc.etc. Also, alcohol. I drank cheap whiskey (the very best cheap whiskey, thankyouverymuch) with diet coke in the afternoon, and then D's aunt brought everyone daquaris later in the evening. Size:LARGE. I opted for the White Russian, and while everyone else slowly sipped from theirs throughout the evening by half-time I was the googly-eyed fool in the back of the room sucking up the last drop of my crazy juice, making that annoying gurgling noise with my straw that indicates CONTAINER:EMPTY. At one point somebody made a joke about something random, and I laughed a snorty laugh and slapped my hand on the table as if to say heh, good one, and D's sister looked at the rest of the room and asked "Is she dunk?". I promptly straightened up and adjusted my shirt and shook my head and insisted that no, no! What are you talking about? No! I'm not drunked. Drunk! I'm not drunk. Gawd. Then somebody coughed and another person got up to use the bathroom and there was silence, awkward silence that screamed Liar! And then I got up and ate more king cake.

I have decided to give up alcohol for awhile. (No, really. I'm serious this time. Why are you laughing? Stop shaking your head!) I don't have a problem with it anymore as far as drinking all the time, but I do kind of have maybe a teeny tiny problem with stopping when I do get started. It certainly isn't helping me lose these last 7 pounds, because not only is alcohol packed with empty calories but it also causes me to rationalize that spinach dip is a health food that should only be consumed in mass quantities because it contains trace amounts of spinach. So, alcohol is off the menu for a little while and I will certainly keep you posted. I'm on the wagon. No, I'm off. Am I on or am I off? I can never get that one straight. I'm the one that means you don't drink. Stupid wagon.

Anyway! Drew made me the most beautiful wooden jewelry box for my birthday! It's big and made of wood and gorgeous, with a secret compartment for my stash (what, I'm giving up alcohol!). I didn't know he knew how to... make stuff. Out of wood! He surprised me Saturday when he came home from work with a big goofy grin on his face and his hands behind his back. He'd spent the afternoon making it, and it is probably the best gift I've ever been given. The only thing that would've made it better is if he'd given it to me paired with a homemade card made out of dry macaroni and colored yarn. Really. It's awesome.

The job hunt continues on but I really just don't care anymore. You go on interview after interview (ok, so I really haven't been on that many interviews, but when going on even one interview requires dressing up, blowing out your hair, finding a babysitter for your toddler, leaving 2 hours before the interview to drop your kid off and then watching him throw a total and complete fit when he realizes you're about to leave, driving to the interview and being grilled with questions such as "Where do you see yourself in 5 years" or "How do you deal with conflict" [to which I always answer "Stripping for extra cash" and "I carry a knife at all times in case things get too heated", respectively]) and it gets to be mentally and emotionally exhausting. Especially when 3 out of 4 interviews are for ho-hum jobs that you probably kind of maybe don't even really want because you probably kind of maybe most definitely wouldn't enjoy doing the work day in and day out. Which leads me to...

School! I am going back! I am going back to school. I am exactly 1 elective credit away from having my Associate of Science degree, and I'm all signed up and ready to take my 1 online elective credit course in March. After that the sky's the limit! I checked out a few books from the library about careers in nutrition, and I'm very VERY excited about getting my 4-year degree. The details are all kind of a blur at this point, but I'm determined to do it and am thrilled that I won't have to spend the rest of my life as an administrative assistant or office manager. Horray! Drinks all around! No, wait... how about some seltzer with a twist of lime? Yes, that's better.